The Journal: Hermione's Soul
by thisbe gwydion
Summary: Seventh year starts for the trio and Hermione decideds to keep a journal.
1. Entry 1

Hermione Granger

Age: 17

United Kingdom

I'm Hermione and this is my journal.

1997.09.01

_Entry 1:_

_It's hard to believe that so many years have passed since I first met Harry and Ron. Seven years, I think we must have all broken mirrors on that day really. We've been through so much. The Philosopher's Stone, the Chamber of Secrets, Sirius, the Triwizard Tournament, the Dept. of Mysteries, and last year the Half-Blood Prince, that's what Harry calls him now anyway._

_I wonder what this year will hold, will it be like our first years together, or will this one be different? Will our string of luck change?_

_Percy's did, Percy's did a lot. He died. He was working late in the Ministry, trying to get some work done. He didn't have a chance. That's wrong, he did have a chance. If he'd not been so mean to his parents, and joined the Order he'd have been on his toes. I won't tell Ron's mother that, though._

_Harry came to my room tonight, well actually he came twice. His first visit was really strange; it was, just, not the average visit I suppose._

: A loud knock thundered through the room, echoing softly off the walls. Hermione looked up at the panelled wall, knowing that's where the knock came from. She walked over to the wall, leaving her open journal and quill on the desk. She walked along the wall, wondering where the knock had come from, hoping it wasn't a ghost that would bother her all year.

A panel flew open to reveal Harry, his feet bare and his old t-shirt clinging to his body, letting him know it was now too small. He walked into the room, a shiny, green apple half eaten in his hand. He took another bite and smiled cheekily at her.

She hit him on the shoulder playfully before walking over to the small couch that faced her own private fireplace. She was in the Head Girl's room, her room for the year. It was so strange, being alone after all those years of the other girls snoring or mumbling in their sleep or slipping off to meet a boy.

Harry fell onto the couch next to her, taking up the small amount of space that was left between Hermione and the arm rest. It was a small couch, just enough space for them to fit, even if their bodies were pushed up against each other rather tightly.

Hermione and Harry leaned against each other, best friends who never noticed the flirting that had started in their sixth year. They'd touch each other, enjoying the warm, comforting touch of the other, lean on each other, hug each other, simple flirts that neither noticed.

"I wonder if my mum," he swallowed the bite of apple that had been in his mouth when he started talking, "let my dad come in here." He took another bite from the apple that Hermione knew was his favourite. A sour green apple, she didn't doubt that he had a whole trunk load of them.

"I wonder if he tried anyway," Hermione joked, knowing how to help Harry through something awkward. He'd always felt odd when something happened, like him being Head Boy just as his father was. He hadn't even been prefect, just like his father. It was strange; it made him miss his parents and Sirius even more.

Harry laughed and moved a little closer to Hermione, though there had been no gap to close when they sat, "I saw his initials carved in the bed, I put mine there too," he admitted before Hermione hit him softly with her shoulder, letting him know that she almost didn't approve. "Sirius put his above the fireplace; I think he slept on the couch most nights."

Hermione laughed, that sounded just like something Sirius would do, "Sounds like him, to lazy to sneak back to the common room." She leaned her head against Harry's shoulder.

"You know what's weird, Hermione?" Harry asked oddly before throwing his apple core into the fire. It landed on the flames and turned the flames a pretty purple as it burnt. He didn't wait for her to reply, "My parents got married a month after they left Hogwarts."

Hermione smiled and looked up at him, "Tell me, Potter," she said doing her best impression of Snape as she wrapped her hands around his bicep, "why is that odd?"

Harry smiled down at her feeling completely comfortable with her leaning on him. Her warm body resonated in him, causing his body to tingle all the way to his fingertips. "They were a little older than us when they got married, and we haven't even thought about strange things like that, have we?"

Hermione let out a small laugh, "Strange things like marriage?"

"Yeah, but love really," Harry said oddly. He felt a little odd talking about love with Hermione. They'd both had their share of odd relationships, Cho and Padma and Viktor and Rory, the Ravenclaw Head boy the year before.

"We've plenty of time for love, Harry," Hermione said softly. Harry didn't say a word, he didn't reply at all. He just continued looking into the fireplace.

Harry turned his head, looking down into Hermione's eyes. "I never told you about the prophesy." :

A prophesy, there is a prophesy about Harry. It's been a secret for more than a year, from me at least. I wonder if Ron knows, maybe he does. I'd think Harry would tell him, even if he couldn't tell me. Maybe he didn't tell him. I wonder if he did.

_It is horrible though. How could he keep that bottled up for so long? I know how, he ignores it, refuses to let it enter his mind. He's always so playful anymore, always joking around._

_Maybe he hasn't ignored it, maybe he's let it soak in, realized that he can't change it. Maybe now he's going to live his life happy, just to say to Voldemort, "You don't scare me."_

Either way it must be hard. He is going to murder someone. It's strange, isn't it? How you never associate murder with the end of Voldemort. Or death. You don't think of death and murder, you think the fall of the Dark Lord, the end of evil in the Wizarding World.

_But it's not really the end of evil is it? It can't be. Even if all those years ago Voldemort really had been defeated, look at the evil still going on. The discrimination against half bloods. Hagrid and Remus and I, we're all half bloods, aren't we? Does that make us different? I've always wondered, no matter what anyone says._

Harry's mum was muggleborn. She was Head Girl just like me. Does that mean that we're some how linked, Lily and I? I wish I could meet her. Ask her how she made it through school, how she got past the insults from the Slytherins. Maybe it never bothered her. Maybe she was stronger than I am. Maybe I'm just weak.

_I will not think that about myself. I'm not weak. Harry says he's afraid I'll hurt someone at D.A. I know he's only joking, because he let's me partner with Ron and Neville and Ginny all the time. Once he practically pushed me into working with Cho last year, maybe he did want me to hurt her. That's not Harry though; I know he just didn't want her to be all by herself._

_Harry is rather sweet, he would never hurt anyone purposely. He doesn't really pay attention to some things though. Which is why he came back._

: Another knock sounded at the door, thundering once more through the room. Hermione walked over and pushed the wall before it popped open. Harry stood in the dark hallway, looking slightly stressed. He didn't smile.

"Timetables!" he said as he walked into the room. Hermione shut the door as he raved on, "We make the timetables for everyone! No, don't tell us before we except this position! Just tell us about the cushy rooms and being able to be out at all hours of the night!"

Hermione lead him over to her desk and shut her journal as she sat him down. She conjured a chair and sat beside him. "Really, if you'd read Hogwarts-"

"A History, you would know," Harry said finishing her sentence. "How do you have yours done already?"

Hermione smiled at him as she pulled a quill out from a drawer in her desk, "I did the first and second years at home, and the third years before going to the common room, and the rest before you barged in."

"Why does your room smell like fresh laundry?" Harry asked as if he'd heard nothing. He sniffed a few more times and smiled oddly before looking at the work in front of him. "Smells good," he mumbled, "didn't notice it before."

Hermione laughed and started to help him write the other students' timetables. They worked quickly, and joked the entire time. They were interrupted briefly by Harry tickling Hermione until she fell off her chair, hitting the floor rather hard.

Harry quickly scooped Hermione off the floor, lifting her easily in his arms. "Alright?" he asked, his hands still gripping her tightly. She'd stopped laughing when she'd hit the floor with a loud thud, it sounded as if she'd hit her tailbone.

She didn't reply, her words were stuck in her throat, the fall had simple knocked the breath out of her, but now her body was tingling oddly. She shook her head laughing, "Yes, I'll simply remember that next time you need my help," she said before sticking her tongue out at him and sitting back down. :

He's always doing things like that, he always has. Him and Ron always coming to me for help. I suppose that's why we're friends. I like to be needed, I like that they come to me, even if it is just homework or doing the students timetables. I fit in with them I suppose.

_When I first came, I didn't fit in at all. Ron even called me an insufferable know-it-all, even if I got over that. I did only forget because they saved me from that troll though. They're still the two best guys I know. If anything ever happened to them, I don't know what I'd do. I love them both so much, even if they think it's rather girly of me to say._

_Ron's definitely acting different. It's a good different though. He's been a little down lately, well for the entire summer. He had to break up with his girlfriend, they'd been so happy together, but he fell out of love with her, at least that's what he said. He was really nice though, bought her candies and a little stuffed animal. She cried for days in her room, and Ron moped just as long._

_But, I do know why he's acting different._

: Hermione walked behind Susan Bones, who was occasionally glancing back at the Head Girl as they chatted happily together. They were doing a patrol of train together and neither was paying attention to where they were walking, until Susan ran into something hard and stumbled backwards, almost onto Hermione's toes.

They both looked up at the face of the person Susan had run into, but his blue eyes were locked on Susan's, an odd smile playing across his face. Hermione knew that smile and the twinkle in his eye as he looked down at the blonde girl, dumbstruck look plastered across his face.

"Alright, Susan?" Ron asked softly, hoping his voice wouldn't crack as he spoke.

Hermione wondered if the girls face was as red as Ron's ears, which she thought would start steaming any moment now. "Alright, Ron?" Hermione asked, hoping to stop the staring contest, no matter how cute it was.

Ron looked up quickly, right into Hermione's eyes, "Erm, hi, Hermione," he said his voice cracking from embarrassment. His cheeks tinged a light pink as he swallowed heavily, his Adam's apple bobbing majestically on his throat.

"Erm, hi, Ron," Hermione said mocking him. She smirked at him viciously. :

_It was rather cute, him looking at her like that. I sure hope she was looking at him the same way. Ron in love is always a better Ron, he didn't bicker as much and he'd do his homework more. The best thing, however, is he's happier._

_Sometimes I wish Harry would fall in love, at least with one of the two girls he's dated. Then maybe I'd be positive he was happy, not just faking it for the rest of us. But, does love make us happy? Or is it just that Ron acts a little more mature when he'd with a girl he's fallen in love with? He's not happier really, is he?_

_He does smile a little more, those little odd smiles where the corner of his mouth goes up as he stares into space in the middle of class. Harry said he did it all the time in Divination, just stared into space, but when he was in love, which isn't at all what Harry called it, he'd smile oddly and for no reason._

_Sometimes I think it'd be nice to crawl inside Ron's head and crawl around. It'd probably be rather messy, filled with odd thoughts and of course, the Chudley Cannons winning a quidditch match, which as Harry says is only possible in his dreams. I wonder what else would be in there though, memories of Percy. Good memories that he wishes he could forget because it makes him miss his brother more. The bad memories probably just faded away._

_I wonder if it had been any other member of the Weasley family, would they have crumbled? If it had been Fred or George, or Bill, Ron, Ginny, would it have been different? If it had been one of the twins I think Ron would still be locked in his room. Ginny would probably have cried more. I don't know about Bill and Charlie, they were pretty upset when Percy died, they looked at him as their little brother, no matter what. Mrs. Weasley collapsed; Mr. Weasley simply caught her and lowered her to a chair._

_I hate to say it, but I'm glad it wasn't me. I wonder if anyone else thinks that. I know it's normal to get upset about it, or to be sad, but I can't help but think, I'm glad it wasn't me. Is it wrong to think that? It is, but even if I say that now, wouldn't I have jumped in front of that curse? I would've tried, for anyone I think I'd try._


	2. Entry 2

1997.09.02

_Entry 2:_

_The day started out fine, except me trying to walk outside of my room._

: Hermione walked out of her room, her robes absolutely straight and her tie tied perfectly, the triangle situated flawlessly at her collar, drawing attention to her slender neck. She wasn't really paying attention as she walked out of the door, which was another panel that led into the hallway.

She walked straight into Harry, bumping into his chest and then stumbling back, trying to regain her footing. Harry caught her gracefully, his arms slipping under her back softly before he pulled her to her feet. :

_Suppose if I'd pay attention to where I was going I wouldn't walk into people all the time. I'm glad they were waiting for me though, I hate going down to breakfast alone. Ginny usually comes late and I hate sitting with Lavender Brown and the other girls from my year, especially after what happened last night in the boys dormitory._

: Hermione sat beside Harry on one of the conjured couches. They were spending the last hours of the night with the other students in their year, joking and playing in the boys' dormitory-turned common room.

Hermione could see Ron's ears turning red as he sat in his armchair. The girls across the circle were talking about him and about all of the late night chats his ex-girlfriend had with them.

Minutes later, Ron's ears so red they were almost to the steaming point, Lavender Brown looked at him, eyeing him up in an odd way. Seconds later she got up, all the other girls watching her, and walked across the circle to Ron. As everyone stared, she slid onto his lap, at which point Ron leaned away from her. Even as he leaned away, not really wanting her to be there, she pulled his lips onto hers.

She watched him kiss her back on reflex, but eventually pushed her away, something which she imagined only she noticed as he did it rather gracefully. She glared angrily at him, something only Hermione and Harry noticed, before walking back across the circle.

The silence broke and everyone went back to joking, and the girls back to whispering, each listening intently to Lavender's words. :

_I don't understand Lavender. Does she like Ron that she kissed him last night, or was she just seeing if Stella was telling the truth? Did she just want to know if Ron really could kiss like a god? Maybe she fancies him; maybe she always has and just hasn't been able to say anything. Although, if she's been afraid to say something, she wouldn't have just got up and sat on his lap like she did._

_Either way, I didn't want to sit with her, or the other girls._

_We handed out the time tables and Ron groaned about Potions with the Slytherins and glared at us, saying that we had the chance to make classes with the Hufflepuff house or something like that. I'm not sure if he just wanted to spend more time with Susan or get away from the Slytherins._

He was so angry he refused to sit Harry and I in Potions, which went interestingly well, not that I didn't expect it too.

_What else is there to say, beautiful journal of mine? I feel as if I should write more, though I always feel that way, especially with my homework assignments._

_Oh, there is Harry knocking at the door he's just left now. He stayed quite sometime._

: "Oy, Hermione!" Harry said with a smile after she opened the door. He didn't have an apple in his hand this time but a small piece of parchment. He held it into the air and said, "Look, found it in the drawer," he paused, "sort of."

He walked over to the couch and plopped down before letting Hermione read the parchment.

**Hullo Lily!**

_James_

**My Lily-flower, how was your summer?**

_I'm trying to pay attention, could you please bother someone else?_

**Can't**

_Yes, you can, and I rather you did._

**Can't**

_Has your head become more hollow? Or have you always been restricted to such a small vocabulary?_

**Neither**

_Leave me alone, James._

_**Come now, Lily, give him a chance. –Sirius**_

**Yes, listen to him, he knows what he's talking about.**

_Ha, Sirius Black knows something?_

**I made you smile, do it again, it's so beautiful.**

_I did not smile._

**Prefects shouldn't lie.**

_I'm not._

**That's two now, bad Prefect, bad.**

_Leave me alone, James._

**Aw, Lils, you know I can't.**

_Fine, then I'm not replying anymore._

Hermione looked down at Harry, smiling. She thought it was so cute; James had obviously saved the note from before they got together. She wondered if Harry was so sentimental, she looked at him more carefully, the messy hair, the green eyes, and the button nose. She shook her head, it was Harry, just Harry.

She fell onto the couch beside him, "Where'd you find that?" she asked as she handed it back to him. He took it and set it softly on his knee, not wanting to wrinkle it in the pocket of the track jacket he wore.

"A drawer," he said with a smile, "it has a secret little space, you'd think someone would've found them ages ago." He pulled a dog bone from his pocket, "I'm guessing it was Sirius'," he said before putting it back into his pocket.

Hermione glanced up at Harry before returning her eyes to the burning fire, "I wonder why he left it there," she said softly, the raging fire blinding her occasionally. She blinked away the tears and looked up at Harry.

"Maybe, he left it for me," he said softly, "for his son."

Hermione smiled at him and bumped him softly with her shoulder, "That's probably it," she said before leaning her head against his shoulder. He leaned his head against hers and they sat, staring into the fire silently. :

_I wonder if James did leave it for his son. Maybe he just forgot it when he was packing up, I think there's more in there though. Harry probably wasn't ready to bring in the other stuff, why would James leave just one note and a dog bone behind? Even if he was in a hurry to pack up, he'd leave more than just one note and a dog bone._

_Why would Sirius chew on a dog bone? Well, to be honest it wasn't used, no bite marks or anything. Maybe it had been a joke, maybe the Marauders had bought him a dog bone for Christmas and he'd put it in that compartment with James' things._

_Maybe it was for Remus when he'd turned into a werewolf. Maybe they had many more and just that one was left. That sounds more probable than it being Sirius', but I don't think I'll tell Harry that._


	3. Entry 3

1997.09.09

_Entry 3:_

_Sorry I haven't written in such a long time, I've been busy with school work and of course, the boys won't stop bothering me._

_I've started putting the dresser in front of the panel that leads to the secret passageway. Harry forgot to knock one time, once._

: "Oy, Hermione," Harry said softly as he pushed the panel open, not bothering to knock on the door. He walked into the room and looked up at Hermione, her tan body naked except for the bright red cotton panties she wore. He stared at her and she started at him, both immobilized for the moment.

They stared for what seemed like an hour, but was really a few seconds, a few seconds in which Harry got an eyeful that he'd remember forever.

"I, uh," Harry finally said as he broke free from his trance-like state and turned his head away, his hand going over both eyes.

Hermione pulled her robe over her body, not bothering to put anything else on, knowing it covered everything, even if he'd already seen everything. "I can't believe you, you're supposed to knock," she raved, "knock, you know, warm someone that you're coming in!"

"I'm sorry," Harry said sheepishly, his eyes still covered, "are you covered now?" he asked his voice still sheepish. He felt horrible walking in on her like that.

"Yes," Hermione hissed, still angry with him, no matter how bad he felt about walking in on her without knocking.

Harry uncovered his eyes and looked at his friend, her robe buttoned but dipping rather low on her uncovered neck. The shadows in the dips of her collar bone accented by the steady light in the room.

"Well, what do you need?" she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. She looked rather upset.

"I, uh," he said losing his composure. "We'll talk later," he said oddly before leaving the room. :

_He walked in without knocking, while I was changing into my bedclothes! I can't believe him! Walking in on my like that! I know I should've been guarding it always, but who'd think he'd walk into my room as I'm preparing for bed? I suppose I should were pants or something more than just my knickers and a tank top to bed, bit it's so much more comfortable that way._

_Still, he should've knocked, it was late; I could've been sleeping! Does he think I'm always at his beck-and-call? I can't believe he did that, I'm still not talking to him and it happened two days ago. Well, I suppose if he'd talk to me I might talk to him, in fact, if he even looked at me directly I might talk to him._

_I think I'm going to go talk to him, right now. I told you those boys distract me!_

_Alright, I'm back. I even knocked on his panel._

: Hermione knocked softly on the panel, wondering if the sound echoed in his room as it did in hers. She waited and knocked again, this time a little louder.

Harry opened the panel and looked at her, for the first time in two days, he looked at her, right in the eyes. "Oy," he said with a smile. "Not mad anymore?"

Hermione's jaw dropped, her mad? He'd been the one shying away from her for two days. "Wasn't mad in the first place," she said still standing in the passage way. He hadn't invited her into his room yet, and she wondered why. He'd been in her room plenty of times, but she'd never been in hers.

She began to peak around his arms, wondering what he was hiding, if anything. He caught on and just watched her, not stopping her from looking. Eventually, she eyed him up and ran into the room, hoping to get past Harry's arms.

Harry however, had lightening quick reflexes and caught her, one of his arms wrapped around her stomach and the other her back. He pulled her tight to his body as she squirmed to get free.

"You don't have a girl in here, do you?" she said in gasps as she tried to get free of Harry's strong arms.

Harry released her, rather abruptly, and she almost fell to the floor before he reached out and grabbed her arm tightly. He steadied her again and watched her walk into the room.

"Not much different," she commented as she walked around the room. She stopped when she saw the couch. "Suppose next time it will be me walking in on you, not as if I haven't seen you in much more than your knickers, though."

"Then we're even," Harry laughed, "you've seen me in my swimming shorts and I've seen you in just your knickers." He bit his lip behind her back.

"Oh, even?" she laughed, "not as if I'd want to see you without your knickers on," she chided. She turned around to face him and he quickly stopped biting his lip and focused on her eyes. "Suppose we're done fighting, then?" she asked as she crossed her arms across her chest, reminding him of the last time she'd crossed her arms.

He looked up at the ceiling and looked back down at her, "Yes, can I go to sleep now?" he asked, laughing.

"Right," she said with a smile before giving him a quick hug and leaving the room. :

_Forgot to ask why he'd been so quiet though. And, he didn't answer on the first knock, I wonder why. Maybe he did have a girl in there and was pushing her out the main door before letting me in._

_No, Harry wouldn't keep that from me, why would he?_

_Anyway, I do have more news. Well, I suppose it's not news exactly, but it's more something. Ron ran into Susan again! It was so cute and they literally ran into each other again._

: Hermione walked beside Ron, her view of Harry blocked by the tall red-headed boy. Though, it didn't matter as he really wasn't talking to her anyways.

"Can you believe?" Ron asked angrily. He didn't bother waiting for a reply, "Told everyone, she did." He was upset, mainly because the situation was out of his control. He didn't say it, but Hermione knew the only reason he cared was because he didn't want a certain someone to hear.

Something gleamed across the corridor, "What's that?" Ron said as it claimed his attention. He only watched it for a second or two, but that was long enough to not notice he was going to walk right into the little girl.

"Ron, watch out," Hermione said and her words fell upon deaf ears as he continued to look, wondering what it was. He looked down to late only to realize she'd fallen this time. He reached out and grabbed her hand seconds before hit the floor.

He pulled her to her feet and they smiled at each other until Harry nudged his friend. "Alright, Susan?" he asked softly, his voice not cracking once as his ears turned red.

This brought her out of her trance and she looked away from him, she'd obviously heard about the kiss in the dormitory. "Fine, thanks," she said as she looked back up at him, the dumbstruck look gone.

Hermione realized she was upset over that kiss and jumped into action. "Susan," she said softly, "did you here the rumors?" she asked as she took the girl by the elbow and lead her away from the boys, giving Ron a wink over her shoulder.

"W-what rumors?" Susan asked as soon as they were out of ear shot of the boys.

Hermione smiled, "That Lavender Brown kissed Ron?" She was acting wonderfully, and Susan was taking the bait, her eyes widened. Hermione was one of Ron's best friends, she'd know the truth if anyone did. "I saw the whole thing, Ron practically pushed her off."

Susan smiled, not a vicious smile of a girl who had just heard great gossip, but an innocent smile of a girl whose Christmas had come early, "Really?" she asked hoping Hermione wasn't lying.

Hermione smiled, "Yes, and," she dropped her voice, "he's been acting strange, I think he may fancy someone," she raised her voice at the end, letting Susan know it was her she was referring too.

Susan's eyes lighted up, Christmas really had come early, "Thanks, Hermione," she said with a large smile. She turned to Ron, "Bye, Ron," she said with a wave and walked off. :

_I hope that things work out for those two, Susan really is a catch, even if she is in Hufflepuff. She's very sweet and I think that if the moment came, she'd be brave. I hope so, for Ron's sake._


	4. Entry 4

1997.09.13

_Entry 4:_

_So forget all sanity, Harry's back to normal. He tickled me almost to the point of going to the bathroom in the middle of the common room! That was days ago, however. Today, he wrote me a note in the middle of Potions._

: **Hermione, you're hot, marry me.**

Hermione had to hold back a laugh, she hated when he passed her notes like that. They were so unlike something anyone would imagine Harry Potter writing.

She dipped her quill in her ink bottle and glanced up at Snape before scribbling back her reply.

_Sorry, but my hotness has attracted other suitors and one has already stolen my heart._

She slid the note over the table into Harry's view. He read it and glanced up at Snape before clutching his heart as if he'd keel over from her reply. He wiped away fake tears before dipping his quill in his ink bottle. He glanced up at Snape again and scribbled a few words down again. He slid the parchment over.

**Not your heart! I'd planned on breaking into the Gringotts vault tonight! Blast! Tell me who it was, so I may use my fame to steal your heart from him!**

Hermione bit her lip hard as she fought back the laugh. He was only trying to get her into trouble, she knew that, but it was still fun to joke with him. Hermione looked around the room, wondering whose name she could use and spotted Draco rubbing his head, flattening his hair to his head once more.

_Draco Malfoy I'm afraid, the slimy git slid in on his head…_

Hermione slid the note over to Harry and felt a large wad of parchment hit her head. She glanced up to make sure Snape was too involved too notice her turn around. She turned and stuck her tongue out at Ron, who through another piece of parchment that landed right in her mouth.

She coughed, loudly, but quickly made it look as if she'd just turned away to cough. Ron was laughing at her as she coughed once more before turning back to face the front of the room.

The piece of scrap parchment was back in front of her.

**I imagine the hollow quality helped in some way.**

Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry and turned the piece of parchment over.

_Yes, actually. I read about it in Hogwarts: A History._

She slid the paper over to Harry and he laughed. She'd won; he'd been the one to crack, even if he covered it expertly with a cough. She could see him biting his lip as he coughed behind his hand, hoping Snape wouldn't give him detention.

"You two," Snape said angrily as he walked over to them, "what is your problem."

Harry put his hand down calmly, covering the piece of parchment up.

"Just a bit of wolfsbane dust left from the last class," Hermione said with a smile as she ran her finger over the table in front of them. She'd noticed it was covered when they first walked in, but didn't imagine she'd need to use it as an excuse later.

"Well, wipe it up," Snape said angrily before walking back to the front of the room.

The note slid back over to Hermione.

**You win, again.**

Hermione smiled cheekily at Harry. :

_Sometimes I think he's lost the plot really. Tickling and stupid notes aside, he's still strange. Back to normal isn't exactly normal really, I saw him biting his lip the other day, his lip! He's never bitten his lip._

_His scar was hurting him also._

: Hermione and Harry sat on the couch facing her fireplace, both dozing off in the heat. They were both tired and should've gone to bed, but were both too lazy to actually get up.

Hermione's eyes were closed and leaning once more against Harry's shoulder. Harry's head was resting back against the couch, his eyes starting to close, but would occasionally flutter back open.

Hermione felt Harry's body go rigid and her eyes popped open. She looked at him, his teeth clenched as he grabbed his forehead. She moved and raised her hand to his jaw. Her other hand grabbed his shoulder as she tried soothe him.

"Harry," she said over and over softly, hoping to bring him some comfort. When the pain subsided seconds later, he was out of the breath.

His chest was heaving heavily as she lay on him, her hands still on his shoulder and jaw. "Ar-are you okay?" she asked softly, her thumb gently massaging his cheek.

They looked into each other's eyes for a while, neither of them speaking again.

Harry took a deep breath and clenched his teeth, he looked up at the ceiling again, avoiding her gaze. "Yeah, I, I should go to bed now," he said softly; his voice distant.

Hermione felt closed out, but she didn't want to argue with him, not when he was hurting. She leaned back her hand lingering on his jaw longer than she'd meant for it to. :

_He's been studying his Occluemency for ages now; he says he never dreams anymore that's how good he's got at it, so why was his scar hurting that day? Maybe because he was falling asleep and hadn't done his Occluemency._

_I think that's the first time in a while his scar hurt him. I wonder if he saw anything, if he did I wonder what he saw._

_What else has happened in the past six days? I'm so horrible at keeping a journal, I forget to write in it for days on end, but I love you! I do love you, journal. It's nice to get my feelings of my chest, so then I will let out this one thing: When Harry's scar stopped hurting him, we looked into each other's eyes for ages, it was so nice. I love those eyes. There was something else behind them this time, something that made my heart speed up._

When he was looking at me like that, it seemed as if everything faded away. I could still here the fire cracking and smell the candle that smelt like fresh laundry, but I couldn't see anything but Harry.

_Sometimes, I think he's all muscle. Once he came down the steps in just a pair of cotton pants hanging so low I thought they might fall off, he didn't notice as I counted the little muscles on his abdomen, feeling stupid seconds after I said the number in my head. Eight. I don't know why that number stuck in my head, why it was so attractive, why it was hard to pull my head away from his bare chest._

_Harry is almost always clean shaven, except if you catch him at night; there are bits of stubble forming, almost unnoticeable. And his nose, his adorable nose, always has that teary look. It's always a little red at the tip, as if it'd been running, but I've never heard him so much as sniffle._

_His Adam's apple, I don't know why, but the way it juts out, it makes me bite my lip. His hair, his beautiful hair that he still hasn't tamed, has changed. It always looks as if he's stepped from the bath just minutes ago, still damp yet drying. He looks wonderful._

_His hands are beautiful, in this manly way. You can always see his veins bulging in a calm way. He always wears this watch Sirius left him. The leather band is so thick on his wrist, it's at least four centimetres thick and black, it has this quality where it's shiny, yet dull in a way._

_His teeth, my parents being dentist, I noticed them right away. They're white, shiny white. His incisors stick out a little, they're a little longer then the others, more pronounced. I love that, his perfectly straight teeth with that flair. Gorgeous._

_His chin, his cute square yet perfectly rounded chin, and his jaw, his square still yet perfectly rounded jaw; they almost epitomize the perfect man. I can see why the girls chase him, and if James was anywhere near as good looking, I can't see why Lily wouldn't give in. Maybe if Harry was as big-headed as James supposedly was, he wouldn't be as attractive, emotionally. She did give in eventually, didn't she?_

_I've gone on about Harry as if he's some cute bloke I met on the street. He's really sweet, not really emotional anymore. After Sirius died, he cried a few times but now I hardly see him do anything but laugh and smile and occasionally, when his scar hurts, pain, extreme pain and anger. He's angry sometimes too, but only when someone dies or Voldemort's side wins a battle._

So, that's everything. For now, that's everything. I feel better now, even if my hand is starting to cramp up. I finished a three foot essay before I started writing in here, but I knew I had to add another entry. Well, I meant that's everything about Harry, I'm not done writing yet, even if my hand feels as though it might fall off.

_I think Neville fancies Ginny. It's rather cute; I've seen him glancing at her at meals and in the common room. I wonder if Ginny still fancies Harry. She says she doesn't, but I really can't tell if she does or not. Harry's mom had the same hair as Ginny, I wonder if that's a coincidence. Maybe Ginny and Harry are meant to be together, because she has red hair._

_Harry said no one is thinking about strange things like marriage, but maybe we are, subconsciously. Ron chasing Susan and Neville possible chasing after Ginny, Lavender after Ron, who to no surprise turned her down the other day. Even the Slytherins have caught the bug, which has no name yet, for I'm not sure if its love or just fancying or some other odd thing. I've seen Pansy chasing after Draco while he chases after Blaise. Out of pure meanness, I want Draco to be stuck with Pansy, but Blaise is the prettier of the two girls, I must admit._

_I wonder if we are, subconsciously, chasing after spouses. Maybe our hearts are forcing us into this search for the one. I wonder when Lily and James realized they wanted to spend their lives together. I'm sure James realized before Lily did, as he chased her for ages._

_I wonder if someone is chasing after me._


	5. Entry 5

1997.09.23

_Entry 5:_

_September seems to be dragging. Classes drag on all day and the work seems endless sometimes. I get everything done with enough time to help Harry and Ron, but I'm exhausted. I've taken a sick day today, told the boys to keep out too._

_I must say I wish I hadn't told them to stay out all day. It got lonely after around the middle of the day. I woke up early and got all my school work done then I got my Head Girl duties done and then I was stuck with nothing to do. I read a lot and when dinner rolled around I wish I hadn't taken a sick day, as I wanted to go down and eat with the other students._

_I suppose I should've written in here, there are so many things that have happened. Let me think, Lavender Brown has stopped chasing Ron, which we're all thankful for. She looks a little sad though; it did spread around the school that he wouldn't go out with her. It did not, however, spread around the school that he pushed her off of him, showing that Susan really is a good person. Any one else would have whispered that to every open ear, but not her._

What else has happened? Lucius Malfoy was arrested the other day! Ron's father raided his house and found everything, all the dark arts things, everything! He's been sent to Azkaban, but Dumbledore laughed angrily at that, saying the dementors are practically running to join Voldemort as it is. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, and I have placed bets on when he escapes. I think Harry might win.

_So, I've gone over Lavender and Malfoy, what more is there that I'm not remembering? Oh, well, Ron's rather shy around Susan, it's very cute. I've said that so many times, it's horrible, I need to broaden my vocabulary. It is, however, cute, he stutters around her and she blushes. I'm very glad that it's going slow, because rushing into a relationship is never good. I sound like psychiatrist! When can I just be a seventeen year old girl?_

_Ok, what else is there? Harry's scar hasn't hurt him since that day two weeks ago, but I think that's what led to capturing Malfoy, even if he won't tell me. Still I am catching him biting his lip every so often, and it drives me insane. Not a bad insane, but not a good one either. My heart sort of flutters when he does it, which is more annoying then him actually biting his lip._

_Other than the heart flutter, Harry still looks like normal Harry, even if he bites his lip and occasionally looks up at the ceiling oddly. Harry still acts like normal Harry, Harry still is normal Harry. Nothing else has really changed about him; I've always felt weird tingles when we touched, so that's nothing new. So, okay, I'm not getting a stupid crush on Harry, which is good, because he really is just Harry._

_Oh, there's Harry knocking now._

_I didn't think he'd come over, I did tell him I wanted to be completely alone, I am glad he stopped in though._

: The knock sounded through the room loudly, causing Hermione to jump, even if she was happy that he hadn't walked in without knocking again. "Come in," she yelled as she closed the book, shutting the quill inside.

Harry emerged from the passageway with another old piece of parchment in his hand. Hermione smiled at him and walked over to the couch, waiting for him to sit next to her, but he didn't. He sat on the arm rest of the couch facing her.

Hermione looked at him oddly but he didn't reply as he held his arm out, the note in his hand. Hermione took it and looked down at it, wondering why Harry was being so strange. He hadn't said anything when he walked in, she actually missed his usually, "Oy, Hermione," and he hadn't sat next to her.

**Hullo Lils!**

_Leave me alone James._

**Can't!**

_Do not start that again!_

**Start what?**

_You know exactly what I mean, just leave me alone, Potter._

**No, Evans.**

_Potter, do you attempt to be a big-headed jerk, or is it natural?_

She looked at the bottom of the note, wandering if James' reply had been ripped off, but it hadn't. She'd got him to shut up, maybe she hurt his feelings.

Hermione looked up at Harry. He just looked at her, not saying a word. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a maroon ribbon. He handed it to her and took the note from her outstretched hand.

Hermione glanced at the ribbon then looked back up at Harry. She held her hand back out to him, waiting for him to take it back, but he didn't. "No, you keep it," he said before getting up and walking over to the open passageway, "see you in the morning," he added before disappearing. :

_Being glad he stopped in is different from being completely confused by his visit. He was acting so strange, he gave me a ribbon; I think it was his mothers. It could just be a ribbon he found in the room, but it seemed more sentimental then that. He's never given me a ribbon before, who gives someone a ribbon? It is just a ribbon after all, but to Harry, it seemed much more._

_I think I'll tie it in my hair tomorrow, he'd probably like that._

_He let me read another note from his parents; Lily was pretty mean to James. I suppose she wasn't that mean, I mean, he did bother her non-stop. I suppose you have to look at it from both points of view. If I was Lily, and didn't like James, I would have said the same thing. If I was James, I'd have been hurt._

_If I'd been James I might have given up. But, maybe even then he knew Lily was the one for him. Maybe, no matter how hurt he was at the end of the day, he knew she was the one he'd love forever, that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the only one he'd spend the rest of his life with._

_I wish I could meet them, James and Lily. I know Harry does too, of course he does. It's sort of the same thing; I just want to know who they are. Lily because she was a muggleborn and James because he never gave up on Lily, the best love story ever._

_I wonder if Sirius ever fell in love. He was attractive when he was young, better looking than James, but not Harry. I wonder if he was one of those boys that hop from girl to girl to girl, or if he had one great love. If he did, I bet James' and Lily's death ruined it. I wonder if she'd have believed the lie, believed that Sirius killed his best friends._

_I hate Peter Pettigrew. I know Harry hates him more, but if I could go back in time, I'd let them kill him. We could have simply used the body, couldn't we have? If we had the body then we'd have our proof, and then Sirius would've been free, and Harry could've had at least two full years with him._

_Harry couldn't do that though. He couldn't let someone be murdered, and I suppose I couldn't have either, in the end I'd have known it was wrong, but would it have been for the best? No, because when we looked back on it, we'd think of it as murder, cold blooded murder. We wouldn't years down the line know that if Pettigrew had lived, he'd have gone on to help Voldemort rise to power. We wouldn't know that and then we'd think it was just murder, cold blooded murder, but I sort of wish we'd have done it._

_Maybe Percy would be alive then; maybe he wouldn't have left home. Maybe a lot of things, but what if' don't do anything but bring up more questions. What is matters. Pettigrew is alive, Voldemort is back, and I still want to know more about the past. More about the Marauders, more about Lily._

_I wonder what it was like, the Marauders and Lily raising Harry, even if it was just a year. I wonder if he rode a broom before he walked, I wonder if above his crib flew a snitch-mobile. I bet Sirius held Harry thousands of times. I bet he looked down at him, planning adventures for him, mischief for him to get into. I bet Remus held him just as many times. I bet he looked at Harry dreaming of what he could teach him._

I wonder what James thought about when he looked at Harry. He probably looked down at the button nose that was his, and the black hair that was his and the chin that was his and the dimples that were his and the emerald eyes that were his wife's. Did he dream of his son becoming Head Boy like he had? Did he dream for him to get into trouble? Did he dream of him defeating the darkest wizard of his and our time? He knew about the prophesy, so did Lily, and Sirius and Remus and Peter.

_They knew, so they went into hiding. They should've come to Hogwarts! They should've used Sirius as their Secret Keeper! They should have lived!_

_I bet Harry feels the same way, maybe even worse. They were his family after all, people he never got to know. I'm not going to feel sorry for Harry, I'm not going to think "Poor Harry". He hates that and I will not do it. I don't pity him. He's my friend; I love him, as a friend of course._


	6. Entry 6

1997.10.01

_Entry 6:_

_I promise to keep you more updated! It's been so long since I've been able to write in here, but I can't help it! Blame it on Harry and Ron keeping me up doing homework and the Head Girl duties, and the slack I have to pick up because Harry is also Quidditch Captain. I don't mind making up for what Harry can't do, he still helps a lot, but he practices a lot also._

_Well, October is here, and quidditch season and our Hogsmeade visit. It's not as busy though as I thought it would be being Head Girl. I still get plenty of time to sit in the common room with Ron and Harry._

_I'm not quite sure if Harry is back to normal, but he's gone back to sitting beside me and actually greeting me when he comes into my room. He loved that I wore the ribbon he gave me, noticed it as soon as I stepped outside. He still hasn't told me why he gave it to me or what significance it holds, maybe he will._

_He did come into my room one night asking about Ginny._

: Harry knocked on the panel and walked in after Hermione shouted from the couch for him to come in. He walked over to the couch, eating another apple.

"Oy, Hermione," he said softly as he fell onto the couch beside her. He watched her as she placed that maroon ribbon in her book, to mark her place. "I was wondering," he swallowed his bite of apple, "does, um, Ginny fancy me still?" he asked nonchalantly.

Hermione was taken back, unsure of why he wanted to know. "Erm," she said still slightly shocked, "don't know, really." She looked up at Harry who took another bite of apple as she spoke. "Why?"

Harry laughed, and Hermione knew that if he'd been Ron bits of apple would have flown from his mouth, but no, the food stayed in his mouth. He chewed up his food, "Just wondering," he said with a cheeky smile. "Who do you fancy?" he asked, shocking Hermione so much she missed the twinge of light pink on his cheeks.

"Oh, you of course," she said jokingly and wrapped her arms around him, "my big soft, famous behind belief, teddy-bear."

She couldn't see Harry bite his lip, "Now, don't go spreading that soft teddy-bear bit around, wouldn't want Voldemort to know that," he laughed as he put his hand on her back. He bit his lip again, which was again missed by Hermione.

"Alright, you big galoot," she said as she slipped her arms from around him, "get to bed, you've got quidditch tomorrow," she said leaning away from him. His hand slipped from her back and landed on her thigh as she looked at him, her body turned towards him from the hug they'd shared.

He smiled, and they looked into each other's eyes again, not breaking contact for minutes. "I, uh," Harry said as he brought his hand up to her jaw. He caressed her jaw softly before standing. "Good night," he said before walking off, glancing back at her before disappearing in the passage. :

_I think he may fancy Ginny really. I wonder if she still does fancy him, it's been so long. A lot of time has passed, but if she loved him then I suppose she always will, regardless of how much time passed._

_I never thought Harry would fancy her though, not that Ginny's not great; but, no, well, now that I think about it, of course Harry fancying her makes sense. She's brave and fiery and beautiful, I could see Harry with someone like that. I suppose if they fancied each other, it wouldn't be a horrible match, and then maybe Ron wouldn't get angry over her choice of a boyfriend._

_Strange though, our fifth year Ginny dated Michael Corner and Dean Thomas and then our sixth year she dated Colin Creevey for the longest time, and over the summer she met a French boy in Diagon Alley. I wonder if she was just trying to find someone who would make up for Harry or she really did move on._

_The strange thing, however, is that in our second year when Percy was dating Penelope it was a secret, but relationships now are far from secret. Everyone knows who likes who and who is dating who. Maybe it's not that it was secret before, it was just that we weren't old enough to care about those things. I don't care much either way._

_There is one more thing that's been stuck in my head from Harry stopping by. He asked me who I fancied, but who do I fancy? I suppose if things were perfect, Ron and I would get together and Ginny and Harry would get together, but would that really be perfect? Ron and I, I've heard so many whispering that when we walked down the halls alone. I've heard "Oh, they're so cute together" and "I knew they'd end up together" so many times I'm ready to loose my lunch._

_Ron is a lot like his dad and I'm a lot like his mum, but that means nothing, nothing at all. So what if he's like his dad, couldn't Susan be just like his mum also? Of course she could be, and she probably is more like his mum. She probably wants a million children also; well, so do I. I always hated being an only child growing up._

_I wonder if I'm like Harry's mum at all. We are both muggleborns, but what else do we have in common? We were both Head Girl, other than that nothing. She hated James most of her life._

_Wow, I didn't realize that. James and Lily were twenty-one when they died. They were together for four years. Lily hated James for their first six years at Hogwarts. If you look at it that way it's depressing, they knew each other for ten years and most of that time Lily hated James and James' heart was broken. That's sad really, more sad than dieing at twenty-one, almost._

_My parents have been married for twenty-two years. They've been married longer than Harry's parents were alive. My mum was twenty-five when she married my dad, that's four years older than Harry's parents were when they died. When you look at numbers like that it's a lot different._

_I'd give up one of my parents so Harry could have one of his. I would at any moment, and I love my parents more than anything in the world. They're the greatest parents ever, especially when they found out I was a witch, but for Harry to have one parent, I'd give one of mine up._

_I feel selfish saying that. Who am I to give up the life of one of my parents? I know I can't, so maybe that's why I feel I would be able too. If it really came up, would I be able to give up my mother or father so Harry could have one parent?_

_I think Harry would rather I have both of mine then have to give up one for him to have one. I don't think he'd like it if we made that exchange, a life for a life. It seems so unemotional, uncaring. I suppose he'd be right, me saying these things is a bit unemotional and uncaring towards life. It's not a life for a life really, when you look at it as I do. It's giving up something precious so your friend can understand what it feels like to have the unconditional love of a parent._

_I'd give up anything for Harry to be happy, but he is happy. He isn't mourning his parents' death, Cedric's death, Sirius' death, Percy's death. He's mourning no deaths; he's coming to terms with them. So he is happy, I think._


	7. Entry 7

1997.10.05

_Entry 7_

_I think Harry's lost the plot in a big way. Well, yes, yes he's lost the plot. He's acting strange and looking at the ceiling and biting his lip and closing his eyes for a while then opening them up, and for no reason. Well, it happens a lot when Ginny's around, maybe he fancies her more than I thought._

: Hermione stood in the hallway, waiting for Harry to come to the Room of Requirement. He was already five minutes later for their meeting time; if he was too late the members would show up before him.

She finally noticed him coming down the hall as the screams of Ginny and Ron erupted. He was barely five feet away when Ginny burst out of the room, two or three of the buttons of her shirt unbuttoned and her hair flying every where and falling back down on her white shirt. She'd discarded her robe and shoes and came running out in her stocking feet. before you had that she had gotten rid of her socks, yet she was walking around in stocking feet?

Ginny grabbed a hold of Hermione and looked up at Harry still smiling, Hermione noticing little drops of water on her face.

" 'Ello, Harry!" she laughed, and he looked at Hermione. She'd pulled her hair back tightly with his ribbon and was almost completely out of uniform. She still wore the gray skirt but the tie and her nearly missing white shirt were replaced with a simple t-shirt, a thin silver chain dipping down on the v-neck collar. in the third paragraph you say she had her shirt still on….

"Where have you been?" Hermione asked placing her hands on her waist, causing the short white shirt to ride up on her stomach a little, revealing a thin tan strip of skin.

Ginny quickly pushed Harry, his cheeks tingeing a soft pink, causing his eyes to snap up onto her face, "Let's go, Potter," she laughed before disappearing back into the room.

Harry's eyes lingered where she'd been before going back to Hermione before he looked up at the ceiling, biting his lip once more. He looked back down at Hermione, who was now eyeing him oddly, her hands still on her waist, slowly causing the fabric to edge up even more. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "Oy, Hermione," he said with a cheeky smile before walking past her into the room. :

_I suppose it's just a boy liking a girl. I sort of wish I was Ginny, making a boy blush like that. I've never made a boy blush just from my smile, but then I'm not Ginny. I'm not envious of her in a bad way, she's like a sister to me, but I wish I was as pretty as her._

_Even if she doesn't think so, she's beautiful. Her hair falls in perfect ringlets without trying and her hazel eyes have flecks the color of Welsh gold. She has Ron's tall lanky frame, but she's still not taller than Harry. She's not shorter than Harry either, like me; they're the same height._

_She's good at quidditch as well, I'm sure Harry likes that. She's taken after all her brothers, she's very tomboyish, but it doesn't take away from her femininity. She's just everything Harry could want in a girl, really._

_I feel so bitter saying that, but I mean it. They'd be great together, Harry and Ginny. Like everyone says Ron and I would be good together, but Ron and I wouldn't be good together would we? So, everyone is wrong. It doesn't matter if you look cute together, because if that mattered Ron and I would be together._

I've known that all along, but still, Harry and Ginny would be great together. They would look just like Harry's parents, Ginny and her red hair.

_I wonder if things like that are fate. Are we're destined to be with one person because of things like that. Maybe Harry and Ginny are meant to be together because Ginny has red hair like Harry's mum and Harry is just like his dad._

_If we're destined to be with someone, does that mean that they're the person we love or just the person we spend the rest of our lives with? I know not everyone that marries is in love, but does that mean they're not with the person they're destined to be with?_

_I know my parents are in love, and Ron's and Harry's were, but what about Malfoy's? Are they in love? Maybe they're not faithful to each other so they don't count as spending their lives together. Maybe they are in love; maybe they have their own sick twisted version of love. Just because they're evil, though, doesn't make them unable to love, does it?_

_Love is however the one thing that can defeat Voldemort. Does that mean he is unable to love? I think he may be. He didn't love his mother, or his father; he loved nothing. He loves power, but is that really love? It could be, or does love always have to involve two people?_

_No, I love Crookshanks, and Harry loves Hedwig, and Ron, whether he admits it or not, loves Pig. So, life. Does love have to involve two beings that have life? Two thinking, eating, breathing, living beings?_

_What is love really? My dictionary says strong affection and warm attachment. Strong affection, but affection is a kind or loving feeling. So to love you must have strong affection which is really a loving feeling. It's a large circle of things undefined._

_Isn't that life? A big circle of things undefined. No, scientifically life is the antonym of death, which is absence of life. So, life is the absence of death that is the absence of life. Another circle, even scientifically._

_But, philosophically, life, what is it? Is it the time one is on this earth? Or is the real question, what's it all about? Why are we here?_

_  
Harry's here to kill Voldemort. That can't be all his life is about, can it? Can his sole purpose of life be to kill someone, regardless of who they are? If it is, what is the purpose of Voldemort? To kill people. That cycle is vicious, and one I'd rather not be part of._

_If Harry's purpose in life is to kill Voldemort, was his parents purpose to have him? Was he they're reason for life and when he was born they were thrown carelessly away?_

_There's Harry knocking._

_He's just gone now. He's so quiet sometimes, so distant, and at others he's bouncing off the wall. I don't understand it. Sometimes we're both feeling the same way, and it's so comfortable with him._

: "Oy, Hermione," Harry said as he walked past Hermione, pulling her up in his arms. He spun her around and then set her down before walking over to the couch. He jumped over the back of it and landed on the cushions with a loud thud.

"Hullo, old chap," Hermione joked as she walked over to the couch. She looked down at Harry, who was laying across the couch, his legs dangling over the end while his head rested on the other.

He smiled cheekily at her as she tried to move his legs with no result. She sneered playfully at him before falling, rather hardly, onto his body. He let out a small high pitched sigh and squirmed a bit, but let her continue to sit on his body.

"Alright, Potter?" she asked as she squirmed on his body to get comfortable.

"Hermione," he gasped, "stop moving," he said pausing between each word.

Hermione jumped up, afraid she was hurting him more than he was letting on, "I'm sorry," she said turning around to look at him. His face looked pain and his one leg was raised slightly into the air.

He looked into her eyes and smiled, a genuine smile, "It's alright," he said before he pulled her back onto him, making sure she fell a little father up on his waist. "I've been thinking," he said softly, so soft in fact, Hermione almost didn't hear him.

She looked down at him, trying to register the words. They clicked in her mind, the soft words finally coming together into a thought. "Oh," she said with a soft smile. She looked into his eyes, his unfaltering emerald eyes. "What have you been thinking about?" she asked as he bent his legs, creating something for Hermione to lean on. She leaned against his bent legs turning towards his face slightly.

"About marriage," he said a little louder. He was rolling his teeth in his mouth, thinking about the way he worded his thoughts. She wondered why he'd put so much thought into his words, they'd always been so comfortable around each other, so why dance around her now?

Hermione smiled cheekily, "So, what you're saying is that we really do think about strange things like marriage?" she laughed at him. He looked so cute just staring up at her with millions of different thoughts running through his mind. She wished she could know what he was thinking, what was causing him to be so careful with his words.

"Yes, Hermione," he sighed rolling his eyes as if she'd been nagging him for hours. She knew he was playing and rolled her eyes back at him. There was a long pause before he spoke again, "I was just wondering, if its destiny. Are our lives laid out to be with a certain person, or is that just a child's dream?"

Hermione almost let her mouth drop, he'd just asked her a question about something she'd been pondering herself. She was stunned, shocked that he'd been thinking of that as she'd been writing it. "I, uh, well, um," she stuttered around her words for the first time in her life. Her eyes fell from his, looking down as she thought.

She slowly looked back up into his eyes and they held, for those brief moments, something she couldn't understand. There was a fire almost, but not a raging fire that blinked and flashed. It was more like a warmth, a heat, that was glowing in his eyes.

Hermione opened her mouth to say something but Harry raised his finger to her lips, "I wonder," he said with a soft smile playing across his lips. It was a smile he'd never had before and Hermione couldn't figure out what it was, it seemed to hold much more underneath. "How can you be sure some one is your soul mate, how do you know?" :

_Harry touched my lips with his fingers, and when he did, they started to tingle and didn't stop until well after he left. I just stood staring at the closed panel, my fingers where his had once been, wondering why his fingers had that effect on me._

_I think it was just that his fingers were so warm and inviting, which sounds like a strange thing to say about fingers, but that's how they felt. It was nothing more than a nice feeling on my lips, which caused them to tingle._

_I have no idea why I touched my lips afterwards. I don't know why, but I touched my lips softly, feeling the spots where his fingers had once been, enjoying the tingling sensation._

_It was probably the tingling, nothing more. It's not as if I fancy Harry and his simple touch makes me tingle._


	8. Entry 8

1997.10.12

_Entry 8_

_October is flying by just as September crawled by. I'm not sure which I like better yet. I know that in a few years, I'll look back and say it went by too fast, but right now, I'm liking the fast pace of things._

_The fast pace doesn't let Harry think too much about the war and Voldemort. I think he likes that as well. I like to see him happy and joking, even if he still is biting his lip and looking at the ceiling. I wish he'd stop that and ask Ginny out already._

_That's the only thing going slow, Harry and Ron. They're so afraid to go out on a limb with girls, I don't understand it. Ron's afraid to ask Susan to Hogsmeade, and I have no clue why. Ron's been on plenty of dates, I don't know why he's so shy about Susan._

_And Harry! He's dated too, my friend. Cho and Padma and the occasional girl that asks him out and he feels bad for. He takes them up to the Astronomy tower under his cloak and shows them a good time. Well, he did last year, this year the only thing he does with girls is talk to them and try not to smile at them too much. I think he's tired of the attention, well, I know he's tired of it. He always has disliked the attention, most of it anyway._

_He is rather sweet, even if he's a little daft. He heard me screaming last night and came running into my room._

: Hermione screamed again, her eyes shut tight as she dreamed. Her voice carried all the way to Harry's room, but he wasn't there. He burst through the panel, not caring if Hermione was naked or got angry with him. He ran to her bed where she lay, twisting and turning and screaming.

He cupped her jaw in one of his hands with a soft smile before whispering, "Hermione," and when she didn't wake up he said it again, louder. He stroked her hair softly, not caring about the beads of sweat across her face.

She stopped screaming and moving and her eyes shot open, they were filled with tears. She looked at Harry with complete shock and then pulled him into her, burying her head in his shoulder, not taking notice to the fact that it was completely bare.

A few tears fell and slid down his back as she held him tightly, his arms wrapped tightly around his body as well. She sniffed and pulled back slowly, looking into his eyes, their lips dangerously close. Hermione didn't notice Harry's cheeks turning a soft shade of pink in the darkness.

Harry caressed her face and pulled away. He lit a candle beside her bed, which cast an eerie but bright like upon the room, including himself. He conjured a cup of cold water and handed it to her.

She took the water and drank it, taking the time to look at Harry. He was once again wearing those cotton pants that were dangerously close to falling off, displaying his perfectly toned stomach and that alluring v that made Hermione's lower stomach tingle. Hermione noticed, too, the small strip of dark hair that raced down his stomach and this time ended in a partially exposed patch of equally dark hair. Her stomach tingled even more and she quickly drew her eyes back up to Harry's eyes.

The tears still soaked her eyes and Harry gave her a comforting smile, "Would you like me to stay?" he asked. "I'll sleep on the couch."

Hermione smiled at him, happy to have such a great friend. "Yes, please stay," she paused, "but you can sleep in the bed," she paused again, "with me." She didn't want anything more than to feel Harry's warm comforting body against hers and she hoped he understood that, understood it was nothing more than a wish for comfort.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked softly.

"Yeah," Hermione said with a smile before pushing the blankets down, revealing her smooth uncovered legs. She slid over, leaving space for Harry to climb in, biting his lip. Hermione didn't notice his closed eyes and his teeth clenching his lip tightly as he climbed into the bed then turned the lamp off.

Hermione moved a little closer to Harry and pulled him into a hug, and watched him as he practiced his Occlumency. His breathing fell into a steady rhythm before he actually fell asleep, and his chest would rise and fall in a manner that drew Hermione's attention. Hermione enjoyed the moment, just watching his chest rise and fall and occasionally feel his breath on her face, it felt right and comfortable to her. :

_He woke me up and then stayed the night with me, keeping me company like any good friend would. I thought it was sweet of him to stay in my room, to hold me while I was still scared from that horrible nightmare._

_The nightmare was horrible, too. I dreamed that Harry had died, been murdered by Voldemort. He'd held his dead body in my arms, his lips tinged with bits of blood, his eyes hanging lifelessly open._

_It felt so real, and I'm glad it was Harry that came into my room after that. If Ron had come it wouldn't have been as nice as Harry being there, considering Harry was the one I'd seen killed._

_I think I might ask Harry to teach me Occluemency so that I don't have those nightmares anymore, but I don't think I'd like to give up my dreams. I love those enough to deal with the occasional nightmare._

_It was still sweet of Harry, but I still think he's acting strange! I swear that boy will never be normal until he asks Ginny out, but what do I know? That's what he'd say if I said something, I know that._

_I wonder if Ron knows that Harry likes Ginny, he's constantly telling Harry something, but I only catch bits and pieces. Sometimes he says, "Just do it, mate," or "Never know," or "Don't be a wanker," or, my personal favorite, "I'll kiss Snape before you have any courage." I suppose it's a bit odd, considering all the things Harry's done, Ron poking fun at his courage. Ron's stood up to his fair share of things as well, but it's not Harry making fun of him._

_If Ron knew, I wonder if he'd push Harry to go after Ginny. He might just think its some girl, or he might know its Ginny. He'd probably be glad that Ginny would be with his best mate, someone he could trust. Or he'd hate it, he might hate that Ginny came in and took his best mate from him. Ron isn't that selfish though, so he might just be happy for the two._

_However, I don't think he does know, because I've never heard him say Ginny's name. He always just says her, but maybe he does know and they're just keeping it from me. Maybe Harry doesn't want me to know he likes Ginny for some odd reason, and if he does I'd like to know the reason._

_It's not as if I'm not trustworthy that Harry should hide that he has feelings for Ginny! Just because she's my best girl friend doesn't mean I'd tell her his secrets, I'd never betray him! He should know that by now!_

_He does trust me with his parent's notes, however. He's shown me another._

: Harry knocked and waited patiently for Hermione to open the panel before he gave her his usual smile and "Oy, Hermione." He didn't walk over to the couch this time, he smiled and stood where he was, looking down at his friend.

"Knut for your thoughts," Hermione joked as she looked up at him.

Harry smiled back and dropped out of his trance, "Sorry, you're just so beautiful," he said sarcastically before walking over to the couch slowly. He waited for her to catch up and they fell onto the couch together. He handed her a piece of parchment.

**Hullo! Lils, you look stunning!**

_Sod off, Potter._

**Now, now, Prefects should really observe a less offensive language. You're not setting a good example you see. What are Sirius and I to think?**

_Again, sod off._

_**Now, really Evans, you should try and set a better example, for me. –Sirius**_

_**p.s. and Prongs as well as we both know he could use some sense knocked into him.**_

_Sod off, both of you._

**Now, Lils, can you do nothing more than repeat yourself? And I do not.**

_**Do too.**_

_If you two like, I'll leave you alone to bicker like the old married couple you are._

**We're not old and you see, we got a divorce last Wednesday, because I'm in love with you.**

_**Really, Prongs, if you'd loved me you'd remember that it was Tuesday.**_

**I love Lily.**

_I, you do?_

**Always have!**

_Well, um, sod off anyway._

Hermione laughed, not knowing that Harry was watching her read the night with a bright smile spread across his face. He lit up when she laughed, and smiled wider. "Suppose she's warming up to him then," Harry said with a smile. :

_I do love James and Lily and of course Sirius! I miss them so much and I barely know them! James is so sweet, and Lily, I can just see her wearing down from note to note. It's very romantic, and Sirius being the person he was. The person we never really got to know._

_Sirius seemed so playful, so joking. He was more serious after Azkaban, but I suppose the constant feeling of Dementors around does that to you. I don't like it though, I wish I'd gotten the chance to know the real Sirius. I want to know the Sirius that joked and was a heartbreaker and was just a careless boy._

_More than that, however, I wish, for Harry, he was still here._


	9. Entry 9

1997.10.20

Entry 9

_Harry and I are planning a masquerade ball. I don't know why but we are. Well, I know sort of why. Ron planted the idea, I believe. He wants to take Susan, actually he's already asked and she accepted so he is taking her, but he wanted to take Susan to a ball so he said something to Harry. And Harry, being the gullible git he is, agreed. I think he wants to take Ginny. Well, he wanted to take Ginny but she'd already been asked. So guess who he asked._

: A knock thundered through the room and Hermione wished for a doorbell as she walked over to the panel. She slid it open to reveal Harry looking a little apprehensive.

"Oy, Hermione," he said walking into the room. He held in his hand another piece of parchment. He walked over to the couch, Hermione trailing close behind, and the two sat down, their bodies pushed close together.

He handed her the note and watched her intently as she read it.

**Hullo Lils!**

_Potter._

_**Don't forget about me!**_

**Yes, can't forget Padfoot, can we?**

_No, never. What do you want this time?_

**Well, my sarcastic Lily-flower, would you care to spend this Hogsmeade visit with the one and only James Potter?**

_I'm glad there is only one, and no._

**Not one date? What if I'm the love of your life and you never give me a chance?**

_I DOUBT that, and I'll live._

**One date and I'll stop bothering you if you don't enjoy yourself.**

_For how long?_

**I suppose the date would last a few hours.**

_No, how long will you leave me alone?_

**Forever.**

_Alright then._

_**Is that a yes?**_

_Yes._

**Smashing.**

_What's Black doing?_

**That's his happy-dance!**

_Has he lost the plot?_

**No, he's just happy for us. He also needs a date, the girls love that.**

_He's dancing around a chair._

**Well, yes.**

_He's gone mad. How does that attract girls?_

**I don't know, but they like it.**

_No they don't, girls aren't that thick._

**I wouldn't say that, especially since your best friend went up to the Astronomy tower with him last Saturday.**

_She did not._

**Did too.**

_Did not._

**Ask her.**

_She was tutoring him._

**I suppose that's how she got the large purple mark on her neck as well?**

_She wasn't attracted by some stupid "happy-dance"._

**He did it in Divination a day before their date.**

_Did not._

**Ask her.**

_James Potter, you and your big headed friend need to spend some time associating_ _with sane people._

**I'm associating with you; does that mean you're not sane?**

_WE ARE NOT ASSOCIATING WITH EACH OTHER._

**You're going on a date with me, what do you call that?**

_Means to an end._

**Either way it's still a date.**

_Is not._

**Is too, or the deals off.**

_Fine, it's a date but I will NOT enjoy it._

**Will too.**

_Will not._

**Will too.**

_Sod off, Potter._

**Alright, but I won.**

Hermione couldn't help but laugh at the bickering couple. They'd almost had a civil conversation, it was adorable the way Lily was changing throughout the notes.

Hermione looked up at Harry and handed the parchment back to him.

"Erm, Hermione," Harry said taking a big gulp, causing his Adam's apple to bounce. "I was thinking, would you, would you like, what I mean to say is would you care to join me to the ball?" he spit out.

Hermione was shocked, "You're not asking Ginny?" she blurt out. She wondered why he hadn't asked the girl he liked. Maybe she'd turned him down and she'd just brought up a touchy subject. She wish she'd thought before she spoke.

Harry laughed nervously, which Hermione didn't notice, "She's going with Neville," he said with a smile. Hermione also didn't notice his cheeks turning a soft pink, "So, you don't want to go with me then?" he asked his worry about her saying no escaping her radar.

"I'd love to go with you, Harry," Hermione said with a smile before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. :

_He asked me. I wonder if he asked her force or he just never got the chance to ask her. I don't get why he asked me, it isn't as if he couldn't have any girl he wanted. I've seen many girls fawning after him, so why not ask one of them? Maybe he just wanted to go with a friend._

_I suppose it will be nice going with Harry as I forgot that I too needed a date. I wasn't even thinking about it, but who does? It worked out for the best then, I'm glad._

_He showed me another note from his parents when he asked me. It was beautiful; I think it would've been romantic if Harry had brought it along to sort of set the mood for him asking me to the dance. I suppose he would have done it that way if he'd liked me. I wonder if he would have shown it to Ginny when he asked her, maybe he did._

_The note, which was what I was talking about before I distracted myself, was different. They sort of bickered but didn't. They flirted I'd say in an innocent way. But then, I doubt James Potter was ever innocent, nor Sirius black from the things James said._

_It did show a different side to Sirius. A happy dance, who'd know that Sirius Black would have something as insanely immature and odd as a happy dance! He's Sirius for Merlin's sake! Sirius, the worst pun ever, doing a happy dance! What had the world come to?_

_I suppose he was more energetic before Azkaban, but you would never think, after knowing the old Sirius, or should I say new, that he'd be that mad. He was mad, that's all I can think of. He was also definitely a heartthrob, seeing as he gave one of Lily's friends a hickey but was trying to attract more girls._

_Maybe Sirius never fell in love; maybe he never got his chance to find someone. Maybe he did in his seventh year, maybe he'd waited to get married, till after James did, and then when Harry was born put it off again until his best friends were killed. Maybe he hadn't, but maybe he had._

_I sort of hope he didn't, I hope that someone didn't love him and that he didn't love someone, because if they'd been in love then they'd have been torn apart by a lie. But, she'd have to know. Harry and Ron are best friends, and even if I don't love them romantically, I'd know if they would betray each other. So maybe someone loved him and sent him letters and kept him alive, kept their love alive._

_Sometimes I wish I knew everything. No, I always wish I knew everything, but sometimes the reasons are different. Sometimes I want to know just to know, but sometimes I want to know because in my heart, I care. Deep down in my soul, I wonder if Sirius ever knew true love. I don't know why._

_I wonder about Harry a lot as well. He's something that stirs questions in my soul, even if I can never get them answered. It seems like Ginny knows the answers, though._

: Hermione sat across from Ginny at a table in the library, both focusing on the work in front of them. Hermione wasn't that focused though, she was thinking of something else, thinking of someone else.

"Ginny," Hermione said looking up at her friend, "have you noticed Harry acting strange lately?" she asked softly, not wanting to disturb the other students who were studying.

Ginny looked up at Hermione, a cheeky smile across her face, "Of course," she said before looking back down at her work.

"Do you, do you know something?" Hermione asked wondering if the girl in front of her knew that Harry liked her. She wondered if Harry had told Ginny of his true feelings.

"Like what?" Ginny asked not looking up.

Hermione drew a few small circles on the edge of her piece of parchment, "Like, why he's been acting so strange." Hermione felt odd asking about Harry, like she was just another girl wanting to hear gossip.

Ginny looked up, holding back laughter, "Hermione, I should think you of all people would know," she said before letting a soft giggle escape. "It's not as if isn't obvious." :

_She knew Harry liked her and still she agreed to go to the ball with Neville! I never thought of it that way, and I don't think it was very nice of her. I suppose if she really likes Neville then it makes sense, but she's always fancied Harry. How ironic it seems, Harry finally liking her and Ginny developing feelings for someone else._

_But it still wasn't nice of Ginny to do that to Harry, especially if she knows he likes her! Either way, I'm glad to have Harry as a date to the ball._


	10. Entry 10

1997.10.31

_Entry 10_

_Harry kissed me._

: "You know, Hermione," Harry said before draining the last of his firewhiskey, "I had a great time tonight." He'd only had one drink and it wasn't his first. He and Ron had been slipping off for over a year for drinks at the Hogshead, but Hermione didn't know that.

Hermione rolled her eyes at her friend, she thought the alcohol was getting to him. His words weren't slurred and he seemed rather coherent, but Hermione wasn't going to take anything he said or did to heart. "That's nice, Harry," she said taking a drink of her warm butterbeer. She was slightly upset, he was her date, she didn't want him drunk while they were still enjoying their night together.

Harry laughed, "Hermione, I'm not drunk you know," he said as if she were crazy. "I can handle a small cup of firewhiskey, thanks."

Hermione didn't reply, she just looked at Harry, wondering if he was telling the truth. She knew she was over reacting, it was Harry after all. He was her friend not just some bloke that would get falling down drunk on their date together. He wouldn't have drunk the firewhiskey if he couldn't handle it.

He was waiting for her to reply but she didn't. He looked over at her and her eyes were still locked on him, going over the situation in her head.

Maybe a little of the firewhiskey had gotten to him because at that moment he cupped her face in his warm hands and pulled her lips onto his. Her lips reacted to his suckling hers softly, and she kissed him back, enjoying every second. She gripped the jacket he wore tightly and pulled him into her, not wanting to give the moment up for anything in the world.

When they finally pulled back, they're breath came in ragged gasps and both were unable to speak. They had no words to offer each other, no words to sum up the situation, no words they could say.

Harry was ready to say something but Hermione interrupted him, "I wont tell Ginny," she said quickly as she finally released his robes and leaned away from him. She thought he only did it because he'd had to much alcohol, not because he had any feeling for her. And she, she rationalized, had only kissed back from the shock.

"Okay," Harry said oddly, "why would I care if Ginny knows that we kissed?" he asked wondering what Hermione was going on about. He wondered if she had been the one drinking firewhiskey.

Hermione's mouth dropped, "You fancy her!" she replied back rather enthusiastically, though her breath was still a little labored.

"Ginny?" Harry said in shock, his voice high. He fought back a smile, "I don't fancy Ginny, Hermione," he said rather seriously, even if he was smirking like a fool.

Hermione was in shock now with a million thoughts running through her head, first and foremost the fact that she'd been wrong. "But, who, I mean, but you always blush around her and bite your lip and look at the ceiling!" she said fighting to be right more than anything.

Harry laughed, "Hermione, it wasn't Ginny that made me blush and bite my lip and look at the ceiling," he said before throwing a few coins on the counter and walking away. :

_I think it was the firewhiskey really. I mean, why would he kiss me, of all people, if he wasn't a little drunk? No reason really, is there? No, I'm right, he was just drunk._

_Of course, I kissed him back. I didn't really mean too, it was just the shock of him kissing me._

_The shock doesn't explain why I enjoyed it, even if I don't want to admit it. So, it was the greatest kiss I've ever had in my entire life, which really doesn't mean much considering it was my first kiss. So comparatively it was the best ever, but singularly, it was the greatest most, I hope this isn't the wrong word, passionate kiss I could ever imagine._

_His lips were so soft and they moved so slowly but the way they moved, so forceful. It was almost magical, like the world was on fire. It took my breath away._

_Regardless of how insanely great the kiss was, it was just a kiss and Harry likes someone else. He likes another girl who I completely missed all those times he blushed, but who?_

_I don't know if I'll be able to figure that one out tonight, but I can describe the ball._

: Hermione gave her self one last look in the mirror before taking the secret passageway to the girls' dormitories. She walked quickly through the wide passage before emerging in the sixth year girl dormitories. She walked over to Ginny, who was struggling to get her dress over her head.

"Stupid muggle clothes, going to kill Hermione, I am," she said from inside the dress, "and that prat, Harry as well." She wiggled some more, trying to get the zipped dress down over her arms that were sticking in the air. "Those two are mad; lost the plot, they have," she said louder.

Hermione laughed and rushed over to her friend. She struggled to reach the zipper and when she finally took hold of it, she pulled it down. She grabbed a hold of the dress and pulled it down over Ginny's body, her face popping out rather comically. Her face was red and her hair was eschew as she looked at her best friend.

"Why? Why do you have to be completely and utterly mad?" she said angrily. "Muggle clothes, I tell you," she muttered before turning back around so Hermione could zip up the back of her dress. She turned to face her best friend.

Hermione smiled and fixed Ginny's hair, which wasn't hard as it always fell right back into place with a little coaxing. "I think that dress looks smashing," Hermione said as the last hair fell into place. She took a step back from her friend, "Matches your eyes perfectly."

Ginny stuck her tongue out at Hermione and crossed her arms across her chest, "Could've found a robe this color, and it would cover my shoulders," she retorted, "doubt this little things will hold," she said referring to thin straps of her dress.

"Just get your mask and get on with it," Hermione said rolling her eyes at her friend. She watched as the Ginny picked up a glittering mask that matched the color the dress and applied it to her face with a temporary sticking charm.

"Suppose you're not going to wear yours then?" Ginny asked as she rounded on Hermione, her mask making her look even more beautiful than she already was.

Hermione hadn't realized she'd forgotten to put the mask on, she'd been holding it in her had the entire time. "Oh," she said before applying it herself, "forgot."

"Alright, then?" Ginny asked giving Hermione a glance over to make sure everything was in its place.

Hermione did the same to Ginny, "Perfect," she said before they started towards the door. They stopped at the door and looked at each other. "You go first," Hermione said before pushing Ginny out.

She waited a little while and came out, her eyes falling on Harry as soon as she stepped onto the stair way. He was wearing all black in contrast to her bright white gown that glittered beautifully in the fire light. His jaw was hanging open and his eyes were locked on her but she thought they were on Ginny, the dancing firelight casting a shadow over the mask he wore, shrouding his eyes in shadow.

Hermione felt hurt, hurt that she couldn't even hold a boys gaze, hurt mainly that she couldn't gain Harry's attention. The pain continued on when she couldn't see his eyes following her as she walked up to him.

He gulped and bit his lip and blinked his eyes a few times, "You," he paused, "wow." Hermione wondered if he had been actually talking to her, not Ginny. His words were so indescribable, almost. He sounded stunned, shocked, unable to form sentences, but she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was Ginny making him feel that way, not her. :

_When I came down from the girls dormitories, Harry was so focused on Ginny; I don't think he even noticed me. Not that I care, I would love for them to get together and be happy, but he could at least acknowledge me. I might have been better going with Draco; he'd at least take the time to insult me._

_That's not really fair of me to say, he did say, "You, wow." I think he was still in shock of how beautiful Ginny looked. I know I'm not much to look at, but I'd like a little attention after taking all that time to get ready._

_He was more civil at the actual ball, even if he was a little dumbstruck most of the time._

: Harry held his hand out to Hermione, keeping his mouth shut for fear of saying something stupid. Hermione could see the little beads of sweat forming on his neck, he was nervous, but she didn't know why. She took his hand softly, his hands a little moist in her own.

He led her out to the middle of floor; they were the first couple out there. They were there to start the dancing really, it wasn't as if it meant much more.

Harry pulled Hermione into him, their bodies pressed against each other softly. Hermione's dress crunched softly, the white fabric pressed against his legs. Harry's hand landed in the small of her back, one of his outstretched fingers touching the top hem and occasionally the soft skin of her back.

"Hermione, I…" Harry started, his voice trailing off after he lost his courage.

Hermione almost pulled back but didn't, she just replied, her words almost muffled by the fact that her mouth fell below his shoulder. "You what?" she asked softly, her words kind and comforting.

"Nothing, just, nothing, forget it," he said before biting his lip. :

_He was nice at the ball. He asked me to dance for every single song, it was amazing. I remember he didn't dance once at the Yule Ball our fourth year, but he wanted to dance to every song this time. I did have to take time out to dance with Ron and Neville and of course Seamus and Dean._

_The ball was fun, I must admit. I don't think there was one person not enjoying themselves that night, not one. I think even the Slytherins enjoyed themselves, which I like. They may be Slytherins and I may dislike them, but I'm still glad they enjoyed themselves, even if they hate me._

_I just wish I knew who it was Harry liked._


	11. Entry 11

1997.11.01

_ i Entry 11_

_Alright, I'm going to figure this out if it kills me. First let's make a list of all the girls that Harry's been around when he blushes._

_1. Ginny (doesn't count because he's said he doesn't like her)_

_2. Me (doesn't count because I'm me)_

_3. Sarah (from Ginny's year, she was coming down behind me last night)_

_4. Lavender (she was in the common room with us last night)_

_5. Jennifer (a fifth year, also in the common room last night)_

_6. Brittany (from Ginny's year, also in common room last night)_

_So, there are four possibilities really. I can't remember so far back to that meeting, I know a few people had shown up and might have been coming down the hall from behind me, so that's totally not going to be any help. And there are always tons of girls in the common room, so I can only really use last night._

_I'll have to do some snooping to narrow it down any farther. Though, I hope it's not Lavender, I couldn't imagine Harry fancying her, especially after she kissed Ron like that. I'll not rule her out, no matter how much I don't want Harry to fancy her._

_Jennifer is nice, even if she's two years younger than us. I suppose that's not that big of a difference, two years. She's very pretty as well, he might have been watching her._

_He did kiss Brittany last year, even if it was just a dare from Ron, he did do it. He kissed Sarah as well, on a dare. I'd never pegged Harry for one to take dares, but sometimes him and Ron act mad when they're bored._

_I suppose I'll have to get back to that when I have more information._

_It's a new month! November. There really isn't much to say about November is there? I know in America they celebrate Thanksgiving, but here it's just another month. November is very nice though, rather peaceful._

_I think Ron and Susan have gotten together, I saw them sitting on the couch in the Prefect common room. They were quite close and I think they were falling asleep on each other. We didn't get back until late, she rather enjoyed sneaking out, I think she's definitely going to fit in with us._

_I think I may head off to bed. Harry forced me out of bed rather early this morning._

_ /i _: "Oy, Hermione," Harry said softly and slowly, almost cooing at her. He was shaking her, trying to get her to wake up, but she was fighting him.

"Lea' me 'lone," she mumbled and turned over.

Harry lit every candle in her room and lit the end of his wand, "Oy, Hermione," he said again in his sticky sweet voice.

"Wha' do 'ou wan'?" she mumbled, not really caring what his answer would be. She just wanted to get more sleep. They'd only left each other's side, both yawning after they pulled off the invisibility cloak. They'd spent too much time in Hogsmeade, making it much too early for one to be waking up at the crack of dawn.

"You," Harry said oddly, then corrected himself, "to get up, of course, and come with me," he added before shaking her again, very softly.

Hermione sat up her eyes still dripping with sleep and looked at Harry. "Where am I?" she asked frantically. She started to get scared and look around oddly, she was still partially asleep making her unable to register anything. "What, what's going on?" she asked before Harry grabbed her shoulders, barely able to control his laughter.

"You're in your room, now get out of bed, and let's go," he said before dropping his hands from her shoulders that were barely covered by the sleeveless shirt she wore.

"No," she said angrily before flopping back down and pulling the covers over her head.

Harry could see her body wiggling to get comfortable underneath the blankets and laughed before pulling the covers back and grabbing her hand. He started to pull her and she followed, stumbling once before they walked into the hallway, which is when she woke up fully.

There were a few people in the hallway, a few girls, many more boys, something Hermione noticed. Her cheeks turned red and she wrenched her hand out of Harry's. All the boys were smiling at her cheekily and the girls were giggling behind their hands.

"Come on, Hermione, you're owls sick and I've been sent to get you," Harry said loudly, loud enough for every one to hear and not think they'd spent the night in her room.

Hermione let him take her hand again, unable to fight back, and knowing if she ran into her room it would be worse then staying in the hallway. "Harry," she hissed, "I'm in my knickers," she said angrily at him.

He turned around abruptly and looked at her. He smiled, "Didn't notice before, but now that you've pointed it out," he said before turning back around and dragging her along.

"As I was saying," he said minutes later, "now that you mentioned it, I did notice you were just wearing knickers," he paused, "and a shirt, of course." He turned around again, unfastening his robe and holding it out for her. She slipped her arms in and closed it up before turning around to face him.

He grabbed her hand again and resumed pulling her along, seeming to go no where in particular. Hermione noticed then he too was in his bed clothes, but he wore a shirt on his chest, which she knew wasn't his usual bedtime attire.

He finally stopped at what she thought was the highest tower in the school. The room was perfectly round and only a few meters wide. Hermione looked up at him, hoping he had a good reason for dragging her all the way up to the tower.

He looked at her and closed his eyes, unable to say what he'd wanted to say. He opened his eyes and looked into Hermione's, "Close your eyes," he said softly and she obeyed.

He stood in front of her willing himself to tell her why he brought her up to the tower. But he couldn't muster the courage. Hepulled his Invisibility Cloak on and slowly and as quietly as he could, walked away.

Hermione finally opened her eyes minutes after Harry disappeared and couldn't find him. She wanted to scream but instead she turned on her heel and walked back down the steps.

"I'm going to kill him," she said angrily as she walked past the window pane Harry was sitting on, "kill him." :

_ i He pulled me out of my room and into the corridor where there were at least 100 students. Okay, so there were like 10 or 15, but I WAS in my k n i c k e r s! MY KNICKERS IN FRONT OF BOYS I'M NOT EVEN SURE I KNOW! What a prat._

_Never the less, I'm quite exhausted. I do have to get back at him though, but for now, I imagine he'll be sleeping with his Invisibility Cloak on or in the boys' dormitories, or something. I wonder if he's over there now. I could just creep in, couldn't I? I shall, and if he's sleeping I'll stick his hand in warm water or something evil._

_I do have enough energy to torture the boy, he does deserve it. I'm going to go, right now._

_Never. Never again. NEVER AGAIN. N E V E R again will I go into his room without knocking. I should've known better, I should have._

_ /i _: Hermione pushed the door open slowly, not taking notice to the brightness that erupted into the dark passage way as she did. She slowly walked into the room, expecting no one to be there, or at the most Harry to be laying in his bed.

He wasn't however. He was standing, completely naked, drying his hair with a towel.

Hermione let out a high pitched gasp and Harry turned around, his hands completely still as he held the towel over his head. He looked at Hermione then he looked down, then he looked at Hermione again, then down at himself again, then at Hermione. Hermione did the same, looking him up and down, still completely shocked.

"Shit," Harry said before moving his hands and towel down to cover himself. Hermione finally looked away as he wrapped his towel around himself. "You can look, I'm covered," he said calmly.

Hermione looked up and noticed that the towel was dangerously close to falling off and she could see a thick dark patch of hair raising above the top of the towel. She felt her heart speed up as she focused on Harry's green eyes, but that didn't help. His eyes only made it worse. She thought by now he could hear her heart beating across the room.

"Are we even now?" Harry asked with a smile on his face, and Hermione was ready to bite her lip, "I'm sorry I pulled you into the hall in just your knickers, but this is no way to get back at me."

Hermione couldn't really speak, she was afraid of her voice cracking or the noise of her pounding heart coming instead of any actually words.

"Hermione," Harry said looking at her oddly. "Didn't think I was that bad looking for a bloke," he laughed, trying to get Hermione to speak.

"Erm," Hermione said.

"Well, what did you need?" Harry asked with a smile.

"I, erm," Hermione said before finally regaining her composure. "Sorry, just wanted to hex you or stick your hand in some warm water while you slept is all."

Harry laughed at her, "Go ahead, hex me then."

"No, I'll hold out for the warm water bit, thanks," Hermione said smiling back. "Alright," she said before turning around, "I'll be back in a few hours, get to sleep then."

Harry followed her, grasping the knot in his towel tightly, "I'm putting my wardrobe in front of the door, so you know," he yelled after her.

"I always do when I dress, wouldn't want you to walk in on me again," she yelled back. :

_ i I didn't mean to, really I didn't. I didn't think he'd be just getting out of the shower, it's rather late._

_I've just checked my watch. It's only ten. I suppose it's not that late, so, I should've used my head. Like Harry would be asleep by ten._

_That was the stupidest thing I've ever done, EVER. I'll never do it again. NEVER. N E V E R again shall I enter a room without knocking. NEVER._

_It was a surprise, I must admit. I've never seen a bloke naked and Harry is a very fit bloke, very fit. It sort of made my heart speed up, but I suppose that's happened before. Sometimes when he's sitting beside me on the couch and I can feel the warmth coming from his body my heart starts to speed up. It beats louder than it did tonight. It happens when he tickles me as well, his fingers moving along my stomach so softly, but it isn't as noticeable because I'm laughing._

_I wish I hadn't walked in on him, it was rather uncomfortable. /i _


	12. Entry 12

1997.11.18

_Entry 12_

_I'm sorry this entry is late. I should've written days ago, but I've been so busy I haven't had the time. There are so many things to organize and plan and school work to do and N.E.W.T.s to study for and students to tutor. It's horrible trying to fit everything in, but it's fun. I'm enjoying the year._

_Not a lot of things have happened, I've not come closer to figuring out who Harry likes, not one jot. In fact, I've moved farther away from the answer._

: Harry sat across the table, doing his schoolwork. He was scribbling away then checking a book every so often before returning to his parchment. Hermione wondered if he was writing an essay or just taking notes.

She smiled softly when he ran his hand through his hair, trying to get it to stay out of his eyes as he wrote. He didn't notice her smile, or the way she was watching his lips as they moved, mouthing the words he was writing.

"Harry," Hermione said softly and he looked up. "Who do you fancy?" she asked, hoping he'd finally give her the right answer.

Harry smirked at her and leaned back in is chair, "I suppose you'll figure it out soon enough," he said. He liked to tease her, to know something more than she did and to dangle it above her head for once, she could see that.

"Give me a hint," Hermione pleaded, knowing that's what he wanted.

Harry thought for a second, "Tell me who you think it is," he finally said.

Hermione smiled, "Sarah and Lavender and Jennifer and," she paused trying to remember the last name, "Brittany."

"Sarah's pretty," Harry said as he twirled his quill in his fingers, looking rather arrogant as he did. He leaned in, "Bad thing is, bit my tongue, she did, when we kissed."

Hermione laughed in disbelief but waited for him to continue, knowing even if he wouldn't tell her who it was, he wouldn't lie. It wasn't Sarah, even if his reason was false.

Harry leaned back again and set his quill down, "Lavenders not that pretty, no would've rather dated Katie Bell, she at least had some brains." Harry eyed Hermione, wondering if she'd ever figure it out. "Jennifer is nice, but I'm not one for blondes. Brittany though, she's qualified, but no, I'm not in it for beauty," he paused, "no, I'm after love." :

_He said no to every girl on my list, well, I didn't say Ginny or me, but really, we're not technically on the list. We're just there to take up space really._

_Anyway, I like what he said. "No, I'm after love." It's quite romantic really. I wish he liked me, I really do. I hate to say it but I wish my best friend liked me. It sounds so strange, so odd, but I wish it. I don't really feel bad for wishing it really. Harry's a great bloke, he's very nice and sweet and I'll not lie he's the best looking wizard in our year. He's brave and smart, but I'm his best friend. He'll never like me._

_Still wonder who it is._

_Besides Harry, what else has happened? I spent some time with Ron in Hogsmeade. He didn't help much on figuring out who Harry liked._

: "I don't understand why you have to go to Hogsmeade when we're not supposed to be here," Hermione said as they trudged along the passage way, Ron caring Harry's cloak under his arm.

"No crowds," Ron retorted.

Hermione smirked at Ron in the darkness, "Don't suppose you'd know who Harry fancied, would you?" she asked hoping he'd tell her. She wasn't sure he'd know, in fact, she knew he was pretty thick in that area. She didn't expect him to know at all.

"Of course," Ron said seconds before they reached the end of the tunnel. He stepped close to Hermione and threw the cloak over her. They walked into Honeydukes and slipped onto the streets. They turned down an alley and stuffed the cloak in the usual hiding place.

"Of course what?" Hermione finally asked.

Ron looked back at her, "'Of course, what,' what?" he asked, he'd forgotten the question already.

Hermione rolled her eyes at her old friend, "I asked if you knew who Harry fancied and you said of course. What does that mean?" She wondered if he was being thick or difficult.

"Oh," Ron said with a smile before walking into the street, headed to the Hogshead. "Of course, I know who Harry fancies, I'm his best mate," he said as they walked along.

Hermione smiled, happy to finally find out the answer, "Who then?" she asked.

Ron looked down at Hermione, "That's Harry's secret to tell," he said his tone serious. He looked up, "Come on, I want to get a drink before Christmas shopping," he said with a smile before continuing on down the street. :

_We had a great time but he didn't tell me who Harry fancied, the great git. I can't believe he knows, Harry must have told him, he wouldn't have guessed on his own. Harry must have told him._

_I'm really getting tired of this, I'm never going to find out if they don't give me any clues. I guess I'll have to start paying closer attention when we're around girls._

_Harry's shown me another note from his parents._

: "Oy, Hermione," Harry said sweetly as he walked past her. He flopped onto the couch. Hermione followed him and did the same, falling into the small space he left for her. She felt her heart speed up immediately.

He handed her the small piece of parchment and watched as she read it.

**Hullo Lils!**

_James._

**How are you?**

_I thought you said you were going to leave me alone._

**I did say that, but you enjoyed our date.**

_Did not._

**I suppose that's why you were laughing so hard your butterbeer flew out of your nose.**

_I was laughing because you burnt your tongue, it was quite funny._

**And you smiled when we were talking.**

_Did not._

**Did too and it was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.**

_Really? I mean, I didn't smile._

**Did too, when we were talking about unicorns and centaurs. And when I told you about my pet puffskein.**

_Fine, James, I enjoyed the bloody date and hearing about your pet puffskein._

**I'm glad you enjoyed it, I don't like breaking promises but I don't think I'd have been able to stay away from you.**

_Sure. Fine. I enjoyed it, now tell Sirius to stop dancing. Does he ALWAYS do that!_

**No, but you see, he won a bet with Peter and he's glad you enjoyed the date.**

_What type of bet?_

**Peter said you wouldn't enjoy the date and Sirius said you would, he won a knut.**

_Lucky him, a knut for the nut._

**_I resent that._**

_Stop laughing, James._

**Stop smiling, Lily.**

_I'm not._

**You are and you're smiling because I'm laughing and because Sirius is dancing.**

_No I'm not._

**Are too, just deal with it. You love us.**

Hermione couldn't help but laugh. She'd remember that forever, "a knut for the nut". She covered her face and laughed, not sure why it was as funny as it was, but she couldn't control the laughter.

Harry laughed at her, "It's not that funny, Hermione," he said.

Hermione looked up at Harry, biting her lip to fight back the laughter, "It is, don't know why, but it is," she laughed before she gave him a soft shove with her shoulder. :

_I love Lily and James. They're so perfect for each other, and Lily, she's great. I love her, she's so witty. I wish I'd had the chance to meet her, it definitely be interesting talking to her._

_I wonder if my parents were like that when they were young. I wonder if my mum was witty and I wonder what my dad's best friend was like. I've always taken that for granted, haven't I? Having my parents around. But, now I care. Now, I want to know what they were like when they were young. Now, I want to know more about them because they're not just my parents, but people._

_I have to go to bed, I'm exhausted. I can't go to bed, however, without addressing one last thing. I think I've fallen in love with Harry. The tingling, my heart speeding up, the way I felt when he kissed me, all of it, I should've noticed before. I'm in love with Harry._


	13. Entry 13

1997.12.01

_Entry 13_

_Well, I've figured out who Harry fancies… well… loves._

: The sun wasn't even up when Harry crept into Hermione's room. He watched her sleep for a few seconds before he ran his hand through her hair. Her eyes fluttered open softly and he smiled at her.

She smiled back as her heart sped up. Her eyes closed again before they snapped open. She sat up, "No, not again, you will not drag me from this room in my knickers," she said as she clutched her blankets to her body.

Harry slipped his robe off revealing his crisp white shirt with the all of the buttons unbuttoned and his tie hanging untied over his shoulders. He wore a white shirt underneath that was tucked into his dark gray trousers.

"Let's go then," he said as he held out his robe to her.

She rolled her eyes at him and got out of bed. She let him slip the robe over her shoulders before she was pulled from the room, the pace a little slower this time. She followed him through the corridors and up the stairways, his hand holding hers tightly sending tingles through her entire body.

He stopped at the top and pulled out yet another weathered piece of parchment. Hermione held it softly in her hands as she read the words.

**Hullo Lils!**

_Hullo James._

**Love you.**

_Love you as well._

Hermione looked up at Harry, a little confused. He looked at her, his eyes on fire and little beads of sweat forming on his neck. She felt her heart speed up, unsure of why he'd shown her the short note.

Harry placed his hand on her jaw, cupping it softly. He smiled at her crookedly as he bit his lip. He caressed her cheek with his thumb.

Hermione brought her hand up to his.

"Hermione," he said softly before he took her free hand in his own, his other hand still cupping her jaw. He kissed the top of her fingers, "I love you."

Hermione smiled, her eyes starting to water, "I love you," she replied.

Harry stepped into Hermione, their bodies pushing against each other and he lowered his head. His lips hovered over hers as he kept his gaze locked on her eyes. "Can I kiss you?" he asked softly.

Hermione let out a soft laugh, "You better," she replied before his lips closed the distance, their eyes fluttering closed.

They both felt the world fade away, their hearts beating so fast they were sure the entire school could hear. It felt as if little sparks were exploding on their lips. Seconds later, their lips parted and Harry's tongue slipped into her mouth, setting off another shockwave in their bodies.

Hermione moved her hands to his waist and pulled his body into hers as she pushed herself onto her toes deepening the kiss. :

_It's me. I…_

_I'm really lost for words. I was so surprised when he took me up there. The note, he showed me another note from his parents, it was so romantic. It was really short but it was just James and Lily saying they loved each other. I was so confused, it was just, a shock. I never expected Harry to fancy me. He loves me. Harry loves me and I love him. It's a shock. A complete and utter shock. I mean, I know I've loved him for a while, but how could I have missed that?_

_I was so focused on him liking other girls, always crossing myself off the list. I always just thought I wasn't pretty enough for him, not his type, just his friend._

_Ron and Ginny knew. They knew this entire time and didn't say a word to me. I wonder how long he's fancied me. When did he first start biting his lip and blushing? When did I finally notice it?_

_How could they not tell me! That's like their job, to tell me things! How many times have I helped Ron with his schoolwork and Ginny and I are best friends, she should've told me!_

_I'm glad Harry told me. It would've been like we were children if he'd had one of his friends tell me. Like we were still too immature to approach each other._

_He was definitely braver than I was. I wonder if he thought I fancied him as well. Maybe he did, but then maybe he didn't if he's waited this long to tell me. Maybe he was afraid I wouldn't fancy him back. I suppose that's why he dragged me out of bed last month in my knickers. Maybe he got scared and couldn't say it._

_Though, I must say, I've never seen Harry scared or afraid. He'd never had his heart on the line before. I don't think he's ever been in love, not with Cho._

_I'm glad he said it though. I'm glad I didn't have to spend the rest of my life watching him love with another witch while I was hopelessly in love with him. I'm sure I would've found someone, but Harry feels like the One. I'll only write that in here. I don't want to say it out loud and have it come back to me. What if I meet someone that I love more than Harry? Then I'd have lied._

_I love Harry more than anything, though. When I realized how I felt about him, I also realized I never stop thinking about him, that I sometimes think about spending the rest of my life with him. And when he's not around I wonder what he's doing, I wonder if he's safe, I wonder if he's thinking about me._

_Do those things mean he's the One? How do you know, how can you tell? Is it just something you know deep in your heart? Or does it creep up on you and scare you from behind?_

_If it's deep down in you heart then I know Harry is the One. Deep down in my heart I feel so much love for him that the world would stop spinning without him._

_I wonder if he feels the same way. What if boys are different? What if they love a lot of girls, not just one? Ron loved Stella and they broke up last year. He's with Susan now and he loved Stella. His feelings faded, will Harry's?_

_Maybe I'll ask Ron, he'll know how Harry's feeling and now that Harry's told me he loves me, Ron will be able to tell me everything. He'll be able to be one of my best friends again and we won't have to keep a secret. And Ginny! I'll have Ginny to talk to about it! Not that she wasn't always there, but now we both know._

_I'm really so happy that he loves me! I can't stop smiling and I'm so happy. I just, my heart is jumping, it's doing the Sirius Black happy dance. Ron kept making fun of me in class because I kept biting my lip and looking off into space._

_Lavender said I was glowing, which Ginny didn't agree with, but she did say I seemed different. She also said I should get my robes hemmed and it was then I realized that I had been wearing one of Harry's robes all day._

_I'm off to bed now, I can't wait until Saturday, Harry's promised we'd spend the whole day together._


End file.
